


Turbulent Uncertainty

by writing_regen



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Because it allows more space for him to screw up, Gen, He does not like the unknown, Hes now doing the ocean, Hes still anxiety ridden, More lars, Some jesus walking, Which he feels like he does a lot, You know basic pink boy stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 12:56:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11162298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_regen/pseuds/writing_regen
Summary: The ocean is uncertain.The depths spiral deeper and deeper until we can't see them anymore and everything disappears.We know nothing.Lars feels like he knows nothing.The ocean.What comes next.What waits for him.Lars hates not knowing.He hates screwing up.





	Turbulent Uncertainty

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by my dear frind myself.   
> Another short one shot based on my journal of prompts.

_ “We are throwing ourselves off a cliff without knowing how deep the water below is.” _

_ ‘Ah, but what a glorious flight!’ _

_ ~Christopher Paolini (Eldest, Eragon and Saphira respectively) _

 

_ \---------------------- _

 

The ocean terrifies me. Sure, I live by the beach, but I don't like straying too far into the water. People notice, but eventually they learn not to question it, because I never offer an answer. I’m ashamed to admit something so commonplace kicks my heart rate into overdrive. I feel as though everyone already knows of my cowardice towards anything and everything and I don't want to give them any more - not something stupid like this. 

 

My time on Homeworld forced me to confront a lot of my fears - including the ultimate fear of death - so I thought this little “ _trepidation_ ” would be easy. But being back to Earth, and having Steven trying to coax me off the dock because, ‘Lion can walk on water! I bet you can now too!’ I freeze.

 

I hate the unknown, and the ocean is the embodiment of exactly that - the turbulent unknown. The dark depths, descending so much further than the eye can see, sparks my anxiety because not knowing what could be waiting for me shortens my breath. Not knowing what to expect - whether it be the ocean or what's to come in the next few moments - means every act means so much more. Every act has a weight because you don't know what it will do and blundering blindly in the dark always ends up with me screwing up. I hate the uncertain ocean. 

 

Nothing about the water just a foot below me is certain, I can't prepare for it in any way. Distantly, I can still hear Steven encouraging me in the background, he sounds almost muffled. My shoes stand discarded next to me and I flex my toes, focusing on the feeling of the solid wood beneath my feet and trying to convince myself the water will be the same way. In a fluttering thought, I recall a conversation with a customer. I remember her animatedly rambling on about how she had recently been rappelling for the first time - and how the first step down the thirty foot tower had nearly brought her to tears. Finally she ended on how she ultimately hopped down it three times, not regretting a moment of it - Sadie had pointed out that'd she'd practically been glowing with pride and excitement after she left

 

The memory brings a faint smile to my face, struggling and a small bubble of air through my suffocating blanket of anxiety. 

 

“Come on, Lars! Just one step! If you fall, I'll catch you, I promise!” I can clearly hear Steven yelling again, treading water a few feet in front of me.

 

His eyes sparkle in excitement and hope, and he reminds of the bouncing customer. Lion stands next to him, ripples pulsing away from his paws in a rhythmic pattern. Taking a deep breath, I clench my hands into tight fists to stop them from shaking. With a weak and cracking smile in Steven's direction, I'm hit with the sudden realization that a few months ago I wouldn't even be standing here - much less be preparing myself for what I'm about to do. Closing my eyes, I take that first step right off the safety of the old wooden dock and into the roiling unknown of my new life.

\---------------

  
_ The first step is the longest journey. _

**Author's Note:**

> OK yes I highkey self-inserted myself as the customer but I needed something to pull him out of his downward spiral.   
> Rappelling is fun would 10/10 recommend.


End file.
